Harley E. Never, P.H.D. Tenor (mostly), Sometimes Bass, Alto, Contralto, Baritone,
and occasionally Soprano. (This usually occurs when I'm unable to
move out of the way of a hard-charging hog.)
OCCUPATION (When Not Glory Bugling): Animal Psychologist /Curator of the
Prestigious Box Springs Swine Institute, Museum, and Gift Shop at the
intersection of Skillet and Bacon Holler Road.
NICKNAME: "The Pig Whisperer"
BORN: In a barn....An actual barn. Every time I leave a door open, people
scream, "Hey, man, were you born in a barn!!?"....and I politely answer,
"Yes, as I matter of fact, I was."
SIBLINGS?: An identical (possibly evil) twin brother named Nower. We were
mysteriously separated at birth. Don't know why exactly...Uncle Roscoe
mumbled something about aliens. I am told by credible eyewitnesses that
someone who looks a lot like me has, on rare occasion, been spotted in the
vicinity of Cavity Cave, just outside Patchy Fog, wearing a loincloth.
ASTRONOMICAL SIGN: Aries, The Ram (Someone PLEASE tell me why is there no
Sign Of The Pig in the Zodiac?)
MARRIED?: No. But it ain't for lack of effort. Queenie Delphine, that
heartbreaker, is a major holdout.
EDUCATED: At Box Springs University (BSU), Class of '00. I hold a PHD (Pig
& Hog Doctor) and a CS (Certified Swineologist) from BSU's Veterinary
Vocational School. Graduated 2nd in my class. The other guy, Skeeter
Lackey, beat me out of the #1 spot by a mere 2 grade points (he finished
with a 3.2).
"Do Cats Celebrate The Dog Days of August?" (and other
"Wise Asses: A History Of Intellectual Mules"
"Lift Your Head Up!: A Guide To Low Self Esteem in Ostriches"
"Get Lost, Lassie!: Assertiveness Training for Sheep who want to be
Are you INSANE!?: Oh yeah, I forgot, you are." - Vol. I & II
FAVORITE COLOR: Porcine Pink. (I've called the Crayola people...still
waiting to hear back...)
FAVORITE PASTIME: Truffle Rooting with friends (I also enjoy Shuck
Shuffling and Sty Stomping)
FAVORITE SPORT: Chip Tossing
FAVORITE MOVIE: "Babe" (Tied with "Porky's")
FAVORITE GAME: Pig Mania
FAVORITE MUSICAL ACT: THE GLORY BUGLES, of course!
FAVORITE SONG: Theme from Swine Lake
FAVORITE VACATION SPOT: Bay Of Pigs Resort and Mud Bath Spa
FAVORITE RESTAURANT: Ezell's Eat-O-Rama, out on Real Old Hwy 86 - (All you
can eat for $2.75)
FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR: Today.....(That's my "Hallmark card"
answer...for the ladies)
FAVORITE SMELL: Boar's Head Eau de Toilette Water
FAVORITE CAR: My pistachio green 1977 AMC Pacer with the "HOGSNKISSES"
FAVORITE DRINK: Diet Cherry Tab
FAVORITE SNACK: Jalapeno Cheesy Do-Si-Do-ritas
FAVORITE TV SHOW: Sowth Pork, or anything on BSTV, Box Springs' very own
cable dish access station
FAVORITE RADIO SHOW: "The Glory Bugles Radio
Hour" Every Sunday from 7-7:30 a.m., on WBOX, Box Springs' very own ultra
low watt "Soul Signal for the Southland."
FAVORITE GUILTY PLEASURE: Ham sandwich
SOME MORE INFORMATION:
WHAT MY MIDDLE INITIAL, "E", STANDS FOR: Ever
PET PEEVE: People who insist on using the words "pet" and "peeve" in the
BOXERS OR BRIEFS?: Listen, y'all already asked Billy Clinton this
question, and looked what happened to him...
CAN I TOUCH MY NOSE WITH MY TONGUE?: No; and I don't particularly want to
touch yours either.
HAIR COLOR: Is "sparse" a color?
EYES: Two. And they're Hazel. I use to call one Shirley, but it got
confusing, so now they're both Hazel .
CONTACTS?: Yeah, I know a few important people.......
Anyway, I hope y'all all feel like you know me better now; and me and
the other Glory Bugles surely do look forward to coming to an
unincorporated town near you to render forth with our majestic tunes and
dazzle you with our skillful kor-e-awgrfi...I mean, chory-og........uh,